Grief

What is grief? Grief to me is remembering something or someone fondly. I suffered a very personal loss on the first day of October. My family and I had to put down my sweet, sweet puppy boy, Fredo. I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds. Fredo was a family dog, but he and I shared a very special bond. We’ve had Fredo since he was 12 weeks old. I remember going to get him.

I was at a friend’s house, and my parents told me that we were going out to dinner. They got to my friend’s house, I got in the car, and off we went. My dad said he had to quickly stop at a client’s house to pick up something. My siblings and I thought nothing of it. I remember getting to this woman’s house, and he told all of us to get out of the car. I knew something was up. I walked through the door, and the woman directed me to the living room, where a large box was on the fireplace. I walked over, and inside the box was Fredo, a sweet black lab. I cried with joy and asked if he was for us. Indeed, he was. This sweet, sweet boy was ours.

I loved him with all my heart. He had a connection wth everybody. He made people who didn’t even like dogs fall in love with him.  All of my friends, my sister’s, my brother’s, and my parent’s fell in love with him. Everyone loved him. He never once complained, and he had a lot that he could complain about. He had Crohn’s disease, and it plagued him his entire life. Over the past couple of days, he was very lethargic; he wasn’t moving, he wasn’t lifting his head, and he wasn’t eating. When he would try to stand, he would collapse on the floor.

My parents decided to take him to the emergency vet. As it turns out, Fredo had a tumor on his spleen that lay dormant for 6 years, but as of the past couple of days started to bleed heavily into his stomach. My parents had the very hard decision of either giving him the surgery and progressing the (surprise!) cancerous tumor and having a success rate of 60%, or putting him down. They chose the latter. This sweet boy didn’t deserve to suffer any more than he already was.

I wasn’t able to make it to the animal hospital to see him one last time. But my parents FaceTimed him with me, I told him how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him. While I was talking to him, he started looking up, searching for me. That broke me, and I couldn’t control my emotions. I took an Uber and went home. I took the next day off from work and spent a good majority of the day with my family.

In conclusion, my sweet, sweet boy, I love you, and I can’t wait to see you again.

~ Marina